There’s No Place Like . . . H-H-Hawaii? H-H-Havana? Ohh. Home.

 

I was just about to cry about the fact that it’s been SOOOOOOOOOOOO LONG since my last trip, like over six moooooonthssss and I’m DYIIIING to go somewhere NOWWWWWWW! WAHHHH.

But then I actually thought about it for five seconds and realized, “oh, haha, it’s been less than three”. Oops.

So why does it feel so long? Because I’m spoiled and irresponsible? So? Shut up. Jealous?  

Sorry.

No, you would never say those things about me. It’s mostly because John and I always have a trip up our sleeves; months rarely go by without something, or at least the potential of something, on the horizon. We’re constantly looking at atlases, travel magazines, travel TV shows, maps, you name it – we’re total co-dependent travelholic enablers, junkies of the worst kind. And as of right now, we’ve got nothing, and it’s very depressing.

Every day I get emails from TripAdvisor or Travelzoo, updating me on the hottest deals, cheapest fares, and other euphoria-inducing phrases. “$79 — Cancun 5-Diamond Resort w/Oceanview Upgrade”? “$499 — Ireland: 6 Nights in Private Villa w/Car & Air”? It’s like holding an AA meeting in a liquor store – mean, hateful, and completely unfair . . .  and yet so, so delicious.

But today I find myself in the position of actually having to purchase travel fare! Woo hoo! What a glorious day!!! Right?

Wrong.

I get to buy tickets to go home for Thanksgiving and to visit John’s parents in Florida around Christmas!

Ok, before my whole family has yet another reason to dislike me, I have to say that I am of course very excited about the holidays and can’t wait to celebrate with them. I love my family and can think of very few things better than sitting at a table that would rival the Mad Hatter’s in kookiness for a delicious, starchy meal. But this is the first time I’ve had to make an effort to “go home” for a holiday, and frankly, it sucks.

Getting to DC from NYC is really easy in theory: buses, trains, and planes are all linked from DC-Baltimore-Philly-NYC-Boston. We normally bus to get to DC because at about $20 each way it’s the cheapest option and doesn’t take significantly longer than the train, which can cost upwards of $100 each way. All in all it’s about a four hour trip, and with free wi-fi to distract you and my severe case of carcolepsy (you know, falling asleep in moving vehicles), it ain’t no thang . . .

. . . but I’ve never done this around the holidays. DC, Baltimore, Philly, NYC, and Boston are pretty big cities. And guess what?  Everyone from each of these areas has family in one of the other. It’s no wonder, then, that only 23% of all travelers actually make it to their holiday destinations alive.*

If money were no object I’d choose to fly, obvi, but since we’d like to save our money for locations slightly more exotic than Rockville, MD (I know, I can’t think of one off the top of my head either), we’re going to be bussing it with the rest of the students (ohmigod, you guys, seriously: just THINK of all the colleges in each of those cities) and will likely be sitting in traffic for 8, 10, or 382 hours**. So that’s $100 for two roundtrip tickets on the nice bus with the reckless drivers who speed like a teenage Asian boy in a souped up Honda Civic (wait, is that only in Montgomery County, MD?).

I think there should be a law that states you don’t have to pay to travel home. It’s not a vacation, it’s an obligation, like work travel, so we should be able to expense it to the government. Sweden does it, so why can’t we?*** Are we not better than Sweden?

And even though New York is already celebrating Christmas (Radio City and the Cartier store are already donning their gay apparel, for example), I think I’ll choose avoiding and leave it to John to figure out how to manage visiting his parents and my family . . . at the same time.

This obviously means a real trip is a must in the month of January, even though I don’t actually have health insurance at the moment.

I need to go on Intervention.

*Statistics may or may not be completely made up
**Dependent upon weather
***Not responsible for accuracy of facts presented  
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4 thoughts on “There’s No Place Like . . . H-H-Hawaii? H-H-Havana? Ohh. Home.

  1. Rach says:

    More exotic than Rockville?! Puh-lease!

  2. Michelle Dunn says:

    I feel your pain Kiki…it’s year number 10 of dealing with it. Southwest baby…travel the morning of Christmas and it’s nice and quiet…now let’s keep that on the DL. Glad I get to see you on Thanksgiving, we’ll be in MD

  3. Katie says:

    Kiki, you frickin crack me up! Funny, funny, funny!
    That said, I am having issues with no trips officially planned or being planned right now. My chest is getting tight and my heart rate and breathing quickened just typing it… no trips planned?! It is a real condition. We should go to an in-patient rehab somewhere in Spain.

  4. kelly says:

    i hear ya sister…and if you think it’s bad now, wait till you have a kid…not only does it get more complicated about who to go see, but the actual act of traveling BLOWS! not sure where we will be for christmas, but thanksgiving in new jersey for the van horns…hopefully coming back on friday to get a chance to visit:)

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